UPDATE (July 9th, 2019): I originally wrote this piece to help others understand the commercial fishing world because I had NO IDEA about what it entailed until Chris and I started dating almost four years ago.
Honestly, I’m still learning.
My experience with fishing goes back to a small Jon Boat off the Charleston Harbor with my grandfather when I was about five-years-old.
At that point, I was just in it for the snacks.
Until Chris and I dated, I never thought about who caught our seafood on a mass scale or even knew to look for farmed vs. wild-caught seafood in the grocery store.
Turns out, unless the menu or package states “WILD CAUGHT,” you’re eating farmed fish. Don’t let the names “Atlantic Salmon” or “Scottish Salmon” fool you. Those are just fancy names for fish that was caged and fed corn or soy.
I also didn’t realize that people can make big money in commercial fishing. Men and women support their families this way, earn enough to buy properties, send kids to college, and retire.
Another fun fact: Some people fish only one fishery. Some fish many.
(According to Google, a fishery is an area with a fish or aquatic population which is harvested for commercial value.)
For example, salmon, crab, and sea cucumbers have fisheries which include different fishing seasons as well.
And if the fishing is good enough for one season, you can earn enough to sustain your life for the year.
This is how Chris and I were able to cruise Mexico for two seasons. He fished in the summers and the rest of the year we were on Jimmy Buffett time. (But not really.)
However!
Fishermen and women can also lose a sh*t ton of money.
For example, if the fish aren’t running as expected or a terrible bacteria is found in the seafood, the whole season is shot. (Some weird bacteria affected the crab fishery near Santa Barbara, California one season and the fishermen and their families were basically screwed. So sad.)
Then, there’s the business side of owning a commercial fishing boat.
You must pay the crew, pay off the boat, buy new parts, engine stuff…you get it.
And this just explains what fishermen and women go through! We haven’t even gotten to the emotional drama that occurs to a partner of a commercial fisherman or woman.
What kind of emotional drama you ask? Good Question! Let’s dive in…
9 Things You Should Know When Dating a Commercial Fisherman
Originally published in December 2018.
Chris and I started dating over three years ago and at that time, I had no idea how involved commercial fishing would be.
Mentally and Emotionally â for both of us.
Below are a few things I learned along the way. A few insights that may help you if you find yourself in love with a commercial fisherman.
When you date a commercial fisherman, youâre introduced to a world you never knew existed.
Youâll learn that people travel long distances (the same area as the TV show, Deadliest Catch) in gnarly summer weather (milder than the show, but gnarly to you and I just the same) in big expensive boats with lots of expensive gear with big âole expensive permits to legally fish each season.
You canât quite wrap your head around it when he explains his profession to you.
Then your head explodes when you learn his sister does it, too.
When you date a commercial fisherman, youâll eat the freshest seafood youâve ever had â canned, smoked, frozen salmon â directly from your loverâs hands straight to your plate.
Youâll happily pay more for U.S. caught seafood at the grocery store because you know thereâs a face behind each catch.
Youâll sneakily cut the six-pack rings you find in the garbage of family and friends â âTo save sea life!â youâll shout when youâre caught in the act.
Youâll become more aware of the environment and opt for stainless steel straws, cups, and containers. (Your small part to reduce plastic that ends up in the sea.)
When you date a commercial fisherman, youâll learn about boat parts, engines, and stuff you couldnât care less about.
Youâll go to dinners with his friends and struggle to stay awake when the conversation only revolves around fishing and other fishermen and women they know.
Youâll show support with a polite smile and nod all the while secretly dying of boredom.
Youâll fight the urge to grab your phone to scroll through Instagram, and wish the subject would turn to art or pop culture or books or something (anything!) you can relate to.
When you date a commercial fisherman, some of those previous conversations actually sink in.
Youâll learn that over 80% of seafood consumed in the US is imported (!) and youâll rethink every seafood dish on a menu, asking if the fish is locally caught.
Youâll learn that China is the biggest consumer of Alaskan seafood, buying over a billionâs worth (with a âbâ) in one year.
Youâll hope the Chinese economy stays strong and wonât tell anyone that a part of you roots for âthe other teamâ.
When you date a commercial fisherman, youâll miss him. A lot.
Especially when he fishes for salmon in Alaska for three months out of the year.
Youâll miss him more when, two months after he gets back, he decides to fish for sea cucumbers.
Because apparently, thatâs a thing.
But instead of fishing from the deck of a boat, heâll dive up to sixty-feet in forty-degree water in full-on scuba gear.
(Hello, shrinkage.)
Your nerves are shot once again, but you’ll continue to pray for a white light of protection to surround him for yet another season.
When you date a commercial fisherman, youâll resist calling the Coast Guard when you havenât heard from him in two weeks.
Youâll remind yourself that heâs working âoff the gridâ and will call when he can.
Heâs fine, youâll think. No need to worry, youâll say. Then youâll see a commercial for Deadliest Catch and the worrying starts all over again.
Youâll emotionally slug through days of no communication, then your heart jumps to your throat when you receive a text from him that says: âJust found a little bit of signal. I love you and miss you so much!â
When you date a commercial fisherman, each reunion after a long season gives you that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling you had on your first date.
Youâll notice his face is a bit scruffier, his hair is a bit longer, and his hands are scarred from nets and traps.
Youâll admire his body, more defined and muscular than the last time you saw him.
Youâll realize that manual labor pays off for you both in more ways than one.
When you date a commercial fisherman, youâll wonder why he goes through all the trouble for this kind of work â especially since he wonât know how much heâll make until the end of the season.
Itâs such a gamble, you think. Why put yourself in an uncertain position, youâll say.
Then youâll remember youâre a freelance writer and you essentially do the same.
When you date a commercial fisherman, youâll slowly appreciate the fishing stories more.
At dinners with his friends, youâll start to engage in conversations and ask questions with genuine interest.
Youâll forget about grabbing your phone to scroll through Instagram and search for his hand to hold under the table instead.
Do you date a commercial fisherman? Any advice to share with us? Please leave your comments in the comment box below!
Even more stories about dating a commercial fisherman here:!
Sex & Dating a Commercial Fisherman
How-To Long-Distance Date a Commercial Fisherman
Dating A Commercial Fisherman: Q&A w/ Photographer Bri Dwyer
[UPDATE] 9 Things To Know When Dating a Fisherman
Then, there was that time on our sailboat that I thought we were going to die: Storm At Sea
Learn more about sustainable commercial fishing in Bristol Bay: here!
Just started talking to a commercial fisherman captain and this article is everything!! Thank you for your candor and sharing your story!!!
Heck, yeah! Glad to have you! Please join our private FB group, too. Super supportive POCFs in there that can relate and offer helpful advice:
http://138.68.1.40/pcf-private-group/
And if you have any questions, please let me know! Welcome to the family. Hope you and your fisherman are doing great out there đđ
Thank you Megan, I donât smoke weed and I drink on social events. But be from other culture I might make it a little hard too, we tent to be too codependent in the relationships. I am encouraging him and I hope the best for us. đ
You’re so welcome, Silvia, and thanks for bringing this up! Yes, the commercial fishing relationship is a quick study in independence. Though sad at first, it’s truly a gift! You both have time to grow as individuals to make the relationship stronger again. And there’s something to be said to have the whole bed to yourself and watching whatever you want on Netflix or eating cereal for dinner. Enjoy your bachelorette time by indulging in a new hobby or falling back into an old one. And if you get sad, make sure to join our private Facebook group with other women going through the same thing! We got you! https://www.facebook.com/groups/811316372640207/
Thank you Megan, it totally make sense and you put your words together very well for me to get out of my insecure cloud…trust above everything and let go of the stress…and have patience. I really want to stay in the positive side. He is in Naknek area, I will look up the AAA but itâs true this year things are very quite which bring me a little peace and hope for him to prove his self and the people that loves him. Thank you, looking forward to read more about your post.
My pleasure to help, Silvia! I know it’s tough. I dealt with insecurities in my relationship for the first two years, most of that fueled by my addiction to weed. I looked up some AA groups in Bristol Bay, but then I realized since we are in a pandemic, they will not meet as usual. Please tell you man that he isn’t the only one staying clean up in the Bay, though it can feel like it. My fiance Chris is sober, as well as a handful of others who will wake up each day without a hangover. I believe in you, your partner, and your love together. He’s lucky to have you! Stay positive, girl. You are a queen!
Hi, I started dating a fisherman we love each other very much but I know there is a dark sad relate with the party and coping with drugs. My boyfriend is been clean when he is here with me and he is promising to stay like that but I canât stop get bother of the idea when is going try some, also how you deal with all the girls who go there and party as well and might keep trying to get in your mans pants bc everyone is bored and exhausted. Maybe my situation is different than yours but I am trying to stay positive this years, since we both love each other very much and for him go this year was a big decision but we are looking for make out projects come trough.
Hey Silvia,
Thank you for your comment. You’re a wonderful partner to bring this up to help him and you both! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in a similar situation, and it sucks! Plus, I struggle with addiction and understand that dark hole. On that note, I’ve learned that there is an AA group up there if he is interested. I’ll do some digging and send you the information.
When it comes down to it, we can’t control how other people may act in the future. All we can do is love and support our partners to be the best they can be. I know that’s hard to hear, but at some point, we have to surrender to relieve anxiety and stress it causes in our own lives. As far as other women go, you just have to trust your man. You guys sound like a loving couple, and as long as the trust is there, you’ll be great! Plus, “worrying is like praying for something you don’t want.” It doesn’t serve us and only makes life harder.
This year, commercial fishing in Alaska will look a lot different than it did in the past. Bars will not be open and fishermen are quarantined to their boats. Socializing is at a minimum to non-existent. I hope this helps in some way. You speak on concerns that many women go through that I feel deserves its own post! Stay tuned and thank you for reaching out. It’s a brave thing to do!
I just started dating a fisherman. He was going to take August off, but instead went back up & got on a pink salmon boat. New to this world and trying to learn as much as possible. How quickly the reading becomes an obsession . He texts a lot more than I thought he would be able to, but of course I want more and anticipate any word. Thanks for the articles; they are the most helpful thing I’ve read thus far.
Hey Christy! Welcome to the club! You’re in great company with people who TOTALLY understand where you’re coming from. I felt the same way when, after Chris returned home from salmon fishing for a month last year, he told me he was fishing sea cucumbers for all of Oct. Oh! And he would be diving up to 70 feet to get them. Wait, huh? You’re leaving? Again?! And what the hell, sea cucumbers?!…After the initial shock, I was supportive, of course. Then prayed for a bubble of white light to protect him, like I always do. Extending that to include your man now (and all the partners of those reading this and beyond)! I hope he has a safe, quick rest of the season and I hope you enjoy some alone time. And if you ever have any questions, please email me! (meganwaldrep@icloud.com) I love hearing from like-minded women like you. Yay! We do exist! đ
Please keep writing about what it’s like to love a commercial fisherman because I’m new to this life and I’m having a hard time with the long absences. I’ve read this probably 100 times no joke!! It’s comforting somehow for someone to say what it’s like out there and what the women in their lives go through when they are gone!!
Hey Mel! Thank you so much for reading, and what a massive compliment that this piece has helped you in some way! That is my only goal. (Insert praying hands here.) Also, thank you so much for sharing your experience. How nice to know we are all going through the same thing. You’ve inspired me to keep writing about what it’s like to date a commercial fisherman. And on that note, what is the hardest part of the long-absences for you? Whatever you say, I promise I’ll know what you mean (and others will, too!) I’d love to dive deeper (no pun) and explore that in a future post. Also, this just came up this morning, but I feel the need to touch on the financial aspect of it as well. Mainly how views of money can differ between a commercial fisherman (i.e., the cost to actually become a commercial fisherman) and his partner’s. (Ex: how the potential for income relying on one tiny fishing season makes my heart race.) Is that something that affects you? Would love to know your thoughts! Thank you for your comment and for keeping the convo going! In other words, thank you so much for being here! đ xo
You and me both, gf! I love her writing! It has helped. E so much!
Jen! I am so freakin’ flattered you have no idea. Would you be interested in joining a private group chat with other “Fishermen dating women” (we need a new name!) about all this? I’m figuring it out now! Would love to add you to the convo if you’re interested. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENT! Made my whole week! <3