WTF: When a Friend Flirts with Your Man

Published in the Santa Barbara Sentinel under the pen name, Elizabeth Rose. Chris is known as “Jason” in the I Heart stories.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. One of my best friends blatantly flirting with my man right in front of me. It’s true, Skye’s personality leans toward the flirtatious side but I’m wise to her intentions. In the past, she’s played the alpha dog roll with me around men, always butting in for attention when it was directed my way. I’d usually let her take the lead mainly because A) I had “no game,” B) was super shy, and C) felt that if she was trying that hard to get noticed she must really need the attention.

But that was years ago when we were both single. Before her second marriage and two step-children. And now it was happening with Jason, my first serious adult relationship. I could expect this behavior from a drunk stranger, but not someone who I call a friend.

What Happened To Girl Code?

It was Halloween night. Jason and I planned to pick up Skye for dinner and dancing at an underground club. My family and I left town after I graduated from high school, and since Skye and I no longer live near each other, I was excited to show Jason where I lived and one of my all-time favorite people.

Around seven in the evening, Jason and I pull up to Skye’s house. She waived from her front porch then walked down to meet us. I jumped out of the car to give her a hug and Jason got out and followed behind.

“Skye, this is Jason. Jason, this is Skye! I’m so glad y’all are finally meeting!”.

They shook hands and she sort of lingered, as if her brain needed time to take in his beauty. I saw her body crumble like a girl meeting her Hollywood crush. Jason is hot, I’ll admit, and I pretty much reacted the same way when he and I first met. So I just kinda laughed it off as we piled into the car to head downtown.

As we waited for a table, Jason checked the time on his phone. Skye leaned over and noticed his background image was a picture from his last adventure in Greece.

“You’ve been to Mykonos?! You’re my hero!”

She then walks over and gives him a giant hug, wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head at the center of his chest. My blood started to boil, but I told myself I was overreacting. Jason didn’t respond to her behavior and politely patted her on the back, totally unaware, the way dudes tend to be.

Am I being crazy?

As the night went on, it kept going! She even plated his food when the appetizers came and dismissed me when I’d give her compliments on her family life and job. “Whatever,” she said with the wave of her hand. I held it together like a lady, but it took everything in me not to flip the table. After dinner, we headed to the bar next door. Luckily, we ran into mutual friends, and she disappeared through the crowd. Soon after, Jason and I headed to the dance floor.

The next morning I woke up pissed and hurt, but part of me couldn’t help but feel bad for Skye. She’s obviously in a bad place in her life to acting this way, so I tried to find compassion and be the bigger person.

We stopped by her house to say bye on our way out of town. I was still sort of shocked by the whole thing and should have said something then, but I didn’t. I beat myself up for months afterward, wishing I would have confronted her but felt now it was too late to bring it up. I recently visited my family, who lives about three hours from Skye, and decided it was time to confront her face-to-face to clear my conscience. I tried to arrange lunch with her before I left, but we couldn’t find the time. It took me over a year to finally tell her how I felt, and it was awkward, to say the least. On New Year’s Eve of the following year from this event, Jason and I were anchored on our sailboat in remote Bahia Santa Maria in Baja, Mexico. And there was no way I could start another year thinking of this. 

She responded *so surprised* and I realize I was coming to her a year later, but it was one instance when people get defensive because they were actually guilty. I felt it in my bones, you know what I mean? We haven’t been in contact since. And I wish her nothing but the best.

*UPDATE: After this essay was published, I received 2 private messages identifying the girl because they said it happened to them. VALIDATION! I’m not crazy! It shows to always trust your gut so you won’t get gas-lit as I did!

Can you relate? How did or would you handle the situation? Please share in the comments below!

If you liked this, you’d love the Diary of a Fish Wife!